exercises in meditation

It has been a long journey this, from January this year till date, looking for that elusive perfect job opportunity. It has been a bit of roller coaster really, what with one bad news following another, with one setback closely following another and sometimes piggybacking. When I look back, this year has been the hardest of all my years here on this planet and I have gone through some really really bad years.
But apart from the usual complaining mode, I also feel that this passage of time has been really beneficial for me. One needs adversity to really know oneself, the depths of despair that one can go through with only hope providing succour to the aggrieved self. I have changed a lot. My ego has taken a harsh beating and it has led me to discover the world in totally different light. I have softened my stance on lot of things and I have mellowed down a lot. More over, I have stopped hurting others with my barbs and comments. And I have been doing a lot of breathing exercises and some meditation exercises.
When I first read Power of Now, I was intrigued by the idea that thoughts can be stopped. It was a novel concept for me because you see I believed that thoughts are what have shaped me. And I love thinking. It could be about reading what is in front of eyes and reflecting on it. It could be a problem analysis. Or it could be just plain day dreaming. Thoughts have raged inside me, egged me to say or to do things. And to imagine a state of being where thoughts can be stopped so that the self can be heard. Wow !!! But no matter how hard I tried, I always failed. The thoughts were always there. I tried some pranayam. I tried living in the now by being more aware of my surroundings. But everytime I would check, the damned thoughts were always there. I couldn't stop them, couldn't control them. But gradually I could fashion them. I would constantly check on myself and if I felt that I don't have to think this way, I could coerce them into thinking something else. But when I would close my eyes to just be in that moment, the noise would return. A fragment of song, a tune, a face, a scene would start playing again. And so it continued. Then I read a book of Tibetan philosophy on meditation. I liked the idea and gave it a try. Well for one ephemeral moment, I felt I was really in the moment. And then it was gone because you see I was trying to record my emotions and that, my friends, is a nagging thought running behind the scenes.
But today finally I broke the shackles. In the morning, when I sat down for the customary session of closing my eyes, of focusing on my breath and of de-cluttering my mind, it suddenly happened. I was focusing on the middle of my eyes and suddenly everything started glowing yellow, like some light. I immediately opened my eyes and I saw that the sky was covered with clouds. I closed my eyes again and after some time again the yellow light turned on. As I kept focusing, some random thought kept disturbing me. But rather than giving up, I persisted. And for some seconds, I felt peace and tranquility. I was suddenly happy, relaxed. And I realized no thoughts !!!! For some seconds, I dwelt there, happy to be there, just being fully present in that moment. And then when I tried opening my eyes, they wouldn't open. It was so relaxing, so peaceful that I didn't want to get out of that state, even when a little voice was now getting louder to break out of it. Was it trance? I don't know but I was able to open my eyes. I felt wonderful then, very happy, very content. This is how I want to be. After all these years of torture and suffering the constant howling of idiotic thoughts, I was finally able to quieten it.
Well the feeling didn't remain for long. Pretty soon, I was in my car, driving towards office and the regular jams and honking jolted me out of it. But I am going to try it again, tomorrow and every day.